Which Headline is Real?

1) City Manager paves baseball fields to create “Pay as You Park” lots to cover Parking Enterprise Fund deficit and Reduce Trash Costs.  Lots will be painted green to trick Councilors into thinking they are mowed.

2)City sells Hamilton Canal District final lots to UTEC to build four-story wood framed mattress recycling center.  The first floor is for the recycling center and the middle two floors will be temporary pre-arraignment housing with the fourth floor a penthouse for unknown UTEC leadership.  In lieu of taxes, the organization will provided free mattress pick up for city residents for a nominal fee.

3)City Planner of Lowell presents document proclaiming Lowell “Segregated,” Housing subpar and plumbing optional to City Planning Board.  Board member proclaims keeping single family lots perpetuates segregation.  Plan passes ironically by “Majority” vote.

4)New street sweepers are equipped with capability to suck up hypodermic needles and can straighten bent spoons for sanitation and reuse. The new machines were tested in Oakland California and deemed to do wonders for reducing pollution of sharps.  The sweepers’ development and production was funded by a consortium of big pharma companies through the “Sharps and Tarps” initiative to give back to communities facing mental health induced drug problems.

2 responses to “Which Headline is Real?”

  1. Robert says:

    Not being a wise guy, but is this supposed to be funny? Satirical?

  2. Teddy Panos says:

    3 are satire, one is an actual happening

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