In what officials are calling “necessary adjustments,” InsideLowell has obtained documents outlining the “value engineering” that has already occurred in an effort to keep the controversial Lowell High School construction project on budget and on schedule.

As we await a new “definitive” budget based on recent construction discoveries, the LHS project has been moving forward with significantly reduced technological features after prior “unforeseen circumstances” revealed cost overruns. The futuristic educational facility, originally designed as a showcase of modern learning technology, has undergone extensive value engineering to rein in rising costs.

“We had ambitious plans,” admitted Superintendent Liam Skinner at a recent school board meeting. “Unfortunately, the rising costs of construction materials and labor have forced us to make some difficult decisions about the building’s technological amenities.”

Among the casualties of the budget cuts are several highly anticipated AI and smart technology features that had been prominently featured in early promotional materials.

The “Smart Bathroom Pass” system, which would have tracked students’ movements and automatically alerted teachers if they took too long or deviated from their route, has been eliminated from the plans.

Similarly, the AI-powered essay grading system—which promised not only to score papers but provide emotional commentary on students’ writing (“This conclusion made me feel sad”)—has been cut.

Other technological features falling victim to budget constraints include the “mood-sensing” classroom lighting that would have changed color based on collective student stress levels during tests, and the facial-recognition robotic hall monitors designed to identify students without passes. Those robotic monitors would also play embarrassing songs while escorting them back to class.

“We were particularly excited about the AI scheduling assistant,” lamented Skinner. “It would have rearranged student schedules based on their sleep patterns and social media activity. Now students will have to continue making their own poor scheduling choices.”

Mayor Danny Rourke, who serves as chair of the School Committee, expressed particular disappointment about the smart locker system being cut. That system would have locked and unlocked based on voice recognition technology.

“I wish I had a locker in high school that understood what I was saying,” Rourke remarked with a sigh.

Parents and students expressed mixed reactions to news that “Academic Performance Drones”—which would have hovered over struggling students projecting motivational quotes—will no longer be part of the school experience.

The virtual reality detention system, where students would have completed custodial requirements to earn their freedom, has also been scrapped, along with “Smart Desks” that would have detected when students were falling asleep and gently vibrated to keep them awake.

Perhaps most disappointing to the nutrition department was the cancellation of the cafeteria AI system that would have analyzed students’ food choices and loudly announced nutritional suggestions such as plain tofu and kale.

The “Homework Excuse Detector” planned for classroom doorways—which would have scanned students for truthfulness when explaining missing assignments—will not be implemented, nor will the “Social Distance Enforcer” robots with extendable arms to separate students standing too close together in case of a future pandemic.

Digital classroom walls that would have displayed different environments based on the subject being taught (underwater scenes for marine biology, etc.) proved too costly, as did the highly publicized holographic substitute teachers that promised to end staffing shortages.

“Even the smart lockers with Alexa built in had to go,” sighed Head of School Mike Fiato. “Students will just have to continue forgetting their locker combinations the old-fashioned way.”

Despite these cuts, school officials insist the new building will still represent a significant upgrade from the current facilities.

“We’ll have functioning HVAC, reliably flushing toilets and walls without asbestos, even though we no longer have enough electrical outlets in the cafeteria to use it as a polling location,” noted Mayor Rourke.

Construction is expected to continue on the news schedule with the revised plans, with completion still anticipated for fall 2032.

(We hope you’ve enjoyed this year’s April 1st article as much as last year’s)