Can I Be Frank? Will 3-1-1 Become a Joke?

I recently joined InsideLowell’s Head Honcho, Ted Panos, for “The Daily Pulse”, an everyday podcast with a variety of guests highlighting the most up-to-date happenings around town. Lucky for me, it was an amazing news day in the Mill City and beyond.

We had police and fire scandals, the crowded field of City Council candidates, and even a feel-good horse racing story. It was a full docket of discussion.

Another topic that was hot off the press that day was Lowell’s new 311 program.

From the City of Lowell website…

“Introducing Lowell 311! Lowell residents now have an easier way to report non-emergency issues and request City services! Whether you need information, assistance, or want to report a concern, the new 311 Service Request system makes it simple. You can create a free account at www.lowellma.gov/311 and submit a request online, by phone, or through the NEW mobile app—whatever works best for you. Once submitted, you can track its progress online or in the app. This system helps the City respond more efficiently while keeping residents informed every step of the way. Try it today and connect with City services hassle-free!”

Seems like a great digital resource for our citizens to log an issue, violation, grievance, complaint, etc.

I downloaded Lowell311 from the app store just to check it out. Honestly, I was immediately impressed.

Lowell311 (which is FREE, by the way) is very robust with its service offering. Anyone can submit and log an issue in dozens of categories.

Problem with your trash pickup. It’s there. Parking concerns? Boom.

Sewer, Sanitation, and Sidewalk issues? You name it and Lowell311 has you covered.

And although in its infancy, from my perch, this could be a great tool to expedite the resolution of problems across the city.

With that said, I also gave pause that this “new, shiny thing” could possibly be abused. The possibility of false or errant claims could bog down the wheels of city government and their respective departments. Could this become a hindrance and not a help? We shall see.

Interestingly, I did some digging and was able to gain access to the backend of the app and review many of the claims that have been registered in recent weeks. Eye-opening results.

Here are just a few of real (fake) examples of what I uncovered from subscribers.

“I hit a pothole with my Verizon truck personal vehicle on Lawrence Street. I dropped my Bootmill and pretty sure reinjured my neck. Can I file for disability here? Thank you.”
– El Gitschier

“I was recently injured in a routine ribbon-cutting ceremony. The giant scissors were also damaged in the fray. Would appreciate some support from Health & Human Services.”
– Mayor Dan Rourke, I mean humble, regular Joe
–
“I was walking downtown today and noticed the footprint of the “new” high school appears to be dangerously close to that silly proposed Cawley Stadium site. I demand this be investigated immediately! Perhaps the Soviets are involved? For our children’s sake!”
– Old Belvidere

“I am finding this 311 app to be revolutionary and one of the great and powerful tools that has been put into our citizens’ hands. Perhaps the greatest accomplishment since the canals were dug. Bravo to our city’s leadership.”
-Tom, er, Tipa, er Ted Golden

“Can I vote for myself on this app thingy? Please and thank you.”
– Rita for Lowell

“Can you pour another Guinness for me, Finbarr? What’s that? This isn’t The Old Court on-line menu?”
-Bach

“I’ll be performing at the Lo Kai this Saturday. Spread the word.”
-Johnny D.

“Dear Elections Department, I truthfully have enough blood relatives in this city to get elected to School Committee – without breaking a sweat – so I don’t really even care about….wait. Retract!”
-Chamber of Commerce Lady

“This city needs hotel in the downtown area. It’s busting down here. Also, the baked lamb is a BOGO today at The Corner!”
-Ted Panagiosupojagundopoulos

Legendary gangster rap group, PUBLIC ENEMY, and their charismatic, clock-wearing hype-man, Flavor Flav, once put out a banger of a tune titled “911 is a Joke”.